Pick Yourself Up

My favorite thing about the game of tennis is the isolation you feel as soon as you step onto the court. You are completely on your own, and this has taught me so much about life.

I'm constantly overwhelmed with decision making, as I often find myself thinking about what would be best for the people around me instead of what would be best for myself. In tennis though, I do it all for myself. Every stroke, every step, and every decision I make on the court is for myself. Nobody can interfere and I absolutely love it.

So my advice for this week?

Pick yourself up.

You don't need to rely on anyone but yourself, and at the end of the day you really can't count on anyone else anyways. You have to learn to be independent in your actions and thoughts in order to become successful in whatever it is you put your mind to. Not to mention being independent just feels great. Since I've started to rely on myself more, I feel so much more confident and powerful. I take away the ability for anyone to stop me but myself.

So now I'm ready to take whatever it is life will throw at me.

xoxo,
Rachel

Words Unspoken

As they are walking down the hall,

Their eyes meet.

Oh, a glance can hold so much.

In that flicker of a second,

So much is said,

Although no words are spoken.

As he looks into her brown eyes,

He feels the spark that appears when she’s passionately angry,

And he feels her voice move up and down when she laughs,

And he feels the way she brushes her long messy hair off of her shoulders

When it gets in her way.

As she looks into his,

She feels his quiet, subtle movements,

And she feels his sleepy eyes try their hardest to stay awake in class,

And she feels the way he relaxes when the windows are rolled down

On a warm, sunny afternoon.

                                                         

They both feel this,

This mutual, soul-searching, yearning glance,

But she is unsure of his thoughts,

And her eyes fall to her shoes,

And he is too hesitant to muster a quick hello,

So they both walk on to class

And wait for the other to confirm their own thoughts,

All the while contemplating the reasons behind each other’s silence.

Let It Go

Happy Monday!!! (well not really)

I always say that you can tell how stressed I am just by looking at my cuticles. They're gone.

There is so much going on right now between school and just life in general and I feel almost helpless.

It all started on Thursday morning when my computer froze during study hall. I brought it to the guys at the technology helpdesk (more commonly known as the wizards) hoping for a quick fix so that I could finish up my episode of House of Cards. After fifteen minutes of waiting to no avail, they informed me that my hard drive had crashed and that I could possibly lose all of my data. What does that even mean? Where does all of my stuff go?!!? Needless to say, I freaked out. Being the control freak I am, my life is on my computer. How could I ever go on?

That afternoon, with the anxiety of my tablet still in the back of my mind, I went to tennis practice prepared for a hard workout since we had a tournament that weekend. Because of problems with having to play at various sites and other factors our coach decided to pull us out of the tournament. I personally was very disappointed, but there was nothing I could do about it. The situation was out of my hands and out of my control. So I had to sit quietly and nod along with the rest of my team.

I've also come to terms with a few relationships with friends etc. that didn't pan out exactly how I would have liked. But once again, these were things all out of my own control. After a minor mental breakdown and an hour on the phone with my best friend, I knew what my resolution for this week had to be.

Let it go.

Only three words, it can't be that hard to do, right? Wrong. Letting go is the hardest thing in the world for me. I am a planner and a control freak, and I can't just move on when something doesn't go my way. But yet, I have to.

Stressing will not  fix my tablet.
Stressing will not  change my coach's mind.
Stressing will not  make the past different or make people feel differently.

So what's the use in all of the unwanted anxiety? This week I resolve to train myself to not worry about things that I cannot change. In order to maintain my own happiness and to live each day to the fullest, I cannot spend my time in constant turmoil.

In the end, the wizards recovered all of my data (yay!).
Later Thursday night, my coach found out that her daughter had received a donor liver, and will be spending the next few weeks in the hospital. So it ended up working out best that she can be with her daughter and not be worrying about us.
And having problems with some friends also helps point out to me who my best friends truly are!
See? Everything seemed to fix itself.

So the next time something doesn't go exactly as planned, I am prepared to let it go...

xoxo,
Rachel

The Puzzle of Life

Sometimes people are like puzzles.

From far away you see the beautiful picture,

all put together.

But if you look closely you might see

the cracks along the pieces,

and the spaces in between.

We have put on a front for the world,

We want them to see the beautiful picture

of painted on perfection.
But we are flawed,
chronically so,

in believing this is the only way people want to see us.

But sometimes it's okay to be flawed.

This life IS a beautiful picture,
and when we find the things we love
to patch over our cracks,

and beautiful souls to fill in our voids,

we will become whole in the end.

Make Today Count

For me, spring is the most stressful time of the year, but also the most exciting. I've found myself juggling four honors classes and one AP, full-time tennis playing (plus the start of the high school season), organizing my summer plans (including a job!), and an onslaught of social events that came out of nowhere. And just today, I was given the forms for class enrollment for next year! What?! I don't even know what I'm doing next week, much less a year from now. 

Through all of this confusion, I've also decided to post weekly on here, every Monday, about a goal or resolution I can make myself for the upcoming week. Last week's goal was to pursue happiness. I'm also going to add a few pictures at the end of each post from my photography class...

This week's goal: Make today count.

We all lead busy lives, and as you can see I have definitely put a lot on my plate. I can't afford to waste any of my time. I need to make each and every day count for something, to make them all matter. Whether it be getting a head start on my AP history notes, putting in that extra bit of effort at tennis practice, or just being kind to someone who needs it, I want to make the most of these precious days. 

xoxo,

Rachel